Jeff Dunham at Carnegie Hall October 22, 2016

(10/26 UPDATE: I have censored the few curse words that were in the recap.)

(10/23 NOTE: An earlier version of this post incorrectly said Jeff’s show ran “about 70 minutes.” I have corrected that to read “2 hours and 13 minutes.”)

I was in Manhattan for the second night in a row yesterday. Thursday, I was down in Greenwich Village to see the Chick Corea Elektric Band. Yesterday, I was uptown at Carnegie Hall to see ventriloquist and comedian Jeff Dunham. Pictures weren’t allowed during the show, which was part of Jeff’s Perfectly Unbalanced Tour, but I took my plenty before and after. I had to use my iPhone 6 because mobile devices were all that were allowed.

This was my fourth time at Carnegie Hall, but the first time in the Stern Auditorium. My previous three trips were to see pianist Lisa Hilton in the intimate Weill Recital Hall.

Jeff Dunham and his crew made their way to Carnegie at around 4:30. Jeff posted live video of the walk to Facebook:

About an hour after that streaming video, I left the house for the Wantagh LIRR station. It was the last day of a warm and humid air mass. Nonetheless, like Thursday night, I wore my green spring squall jacket in case of rain. There was nary a drop; only fog and mist when I returned six hours later. There had been rain earlier in the day, but while I waited for the 5:59 train for Penn Station, Wantagh was in between rain bands. The band to the east must have been intense because there were impressive cumulonimbus clouds:

Low cumulus clouds set in starting in Queens, appearing dark against the setting sun.

There were New York Islanders fans on the train through Jamaica. They changed there for the Atlantic Terminal train to Barclays Center where the Islanders went on to beat the Arizona Coyotes 3-2.

The train arrived at Penn Station at 6:55. From there, I took the E train to West 53rd Street and walked four blocks to Carnegie Hall.

Once there, the crowd had to wait until 7:30 for the Stern Auditorium doors to open. After getting a bottle of water, I got to my balcony seat. Trivia, social media posts, and pictures were shown on the monitor:

The ceiling:

There was a welcome announcement at 8:03 following by three intro videos at 8:06. Since they’re from Jeff’s YouTube channel, I’ve included them below:

After an auto-tune montage, the show officially began at 8:16. The voice of Achmed the Dead Terrorist announced Jeff and he walked on stage. I looked at him on the monitor most of the time since I was so high up.

I took ten pages of notes in a 7 x 5 notebook. Below are some of those notes. I’ll try not to give too much away.

Jeff’s opening act:

• Informal election vote: Hillary – cheers, Donald – more cheers
• Why he’s a ventriloquist
• Family – daughters, Audrey, twin boys
• How Jeff and Audrey found out they were having twins, Jack and James
• The twins’ birth
• Changing diapers in NICU
• Breastfeeding
• Baby pictures – meme photo (“I CAME OUT OF YOUR WHAT???”), then actual photos: their first birthday, Jeff holding them like dumbbells, at Disneyland
• Left stage, came back
• Videotaping show to include message to sons when they’re older

After the opening act, it was time to open the boxes and bring out the characters. Walter came first:

• “Oh, shut the hell up! (mocking laugh)”
• Joke about New Jersey
• How do you get to Carnegie Hall? “Uber.”
• Joke about auditorium appearance
• Sick of election garbage – doesn’t like either candidate – like going in for colonoscopy
• Cut to a video:

• Plug for Jeff’s YouTube channel – about to reach one million subscribers
• Another video:

• “You know, folks tell me that I should run for president”
• Wife
• Life after death
• “If Trump becomes president, José’ll be out of the show” (a reference to José Jalapeño on a Stick)
• Being an older parent
• “Say good night, Walter.” “Thanks, everybody!”

Before bringing out the next character, Jeff announced that his next special will be taped in Dublin, Ireland, in May for Netflix. It will debut in August. The theme will be family. Jeff found out he is of Irish descent. To that end, a new character he tried out at Carnegie Hall was an Irish baby he was trying to get adopted:

• Big head
• Adult voice with brogue
• Influenced by the other characters (“I keel you” from Achmed)
• Much smarter than apparent age
• Cursing (from Peanut)
• Mother gave him up for adoption
• Vaccination/shots – “Gin, rum, vodka”
• Can’t walk, but can pub crawl
• “All the drunks just think I’m a leprechaun”
• “And that’s the new baby!”

Bubba J:

• “I’m doin’ pretty good!”
• “…watchin’ NASCAR and drinkin’ beer”
• Twins
• Wife
• Running for president
• “Press the flesh”
• Debate/da bait, defense/da fence, Syria/Siri
• Fracking: “Me and the wife are down to once a month”
• “Say good night, Bubba J”

Peanut:

• “Dat’s goooooooooood!”
• (singing): “New York…..”
• “Two infants at your age, how the hell did that happen?!”
• Running gags (toward Jeff, into mic): “’cause you’re old”, “’cause you’re an a**h***”, “’cause I’m an a**h***”
• Porn riff (“chicka-chicka-wow-wow”) – baby-related dirty talk
• Caffeine zaniness – “It’s great!”, “Yes!”
• Coffee enema
• Lost a shoe – “No, dude, I found one”
• Peanut fell off and his mouth was stuck open – after a few minutes of incoherent speech (“ahh***”), Jeff closed it
• “Jeff-fa-fa”
• “Nnnnnnyeow!”
• Spoke to two men in the front row
• Hearing aid joke (pretending to cut out)

Achmed the Dead Terrorist:

• “Most beloved terrorist throughout the world”
• Achmed’s origin story – tried out Dead Osama a year after 9/11, six blocks from Ground Zero – crowd loved act – retooled as Achmed starting in Spark of Insanity
• “Greetings, American infidels!”
• Usama Bin Laden is “dead dead”
• “Do you know me, infidels?!” – cheers – “Thank you, I keel you (2x)”
• “Achhhhhmed”
• “It’s not funny!”
• “Silence! I keel you!” – cheers – “Thank you, I keel you”
• Achmed’s many kids: “…and Steve”
• Games
• Life story: “Once upon a time, (boom!). The end.”
• Presidential election
• “Oh! Bomb! Ah!”
• Questions: “Dear Achmed…” – by my count, 19 questions – Favorite breakfast cereal: “Life” – Hugh Jorgen (huge organ): “I can’t believe you fell for that!” – Legs fell off, then arms, then ribcage

After one last joke, that was it. Since it was over, I resumed photography. There was one last bit of business for Jeff: a crowd selfie with his wife Audrey.

Here’s how that selfie looked:

As you can see, balcony members weren’t in the picture, but I don’t mind.

In all, Jeff was on stage for 2 hours and 13 minutes, leaving the stage at 10:29.

I took a selfie of my own a few minutes later:

Then, I made my way down the stairs, through the lobby, and out the door. Merchandise was available in the lobby:

Rather than walk back to West 53rd Street to take the E train again, I walked to 59th Street-Columbus Circle station.

I took the 1 train back to Penn Station:

I would have taken the 11:08 LIRR train to Wantagh, but there happened to be an 11:01 express train that didn’t make local stops until Wantagh. So, I boarded that one. There were some passengers that didn’t realize it was an express and had to change at Jamaica for the later, entirely-local train. It only took 43 minutes to get to Wantagh! Now that’s what I call express! I wouldn’t have arrived until 20 minutes later had I taken 11:08 train.

Thus ended my six-hour adventure. Jeff was hilarious, as always. I wish the show was available on video so I could watch it again and again. My notes and memories will have to do until then.

While I slept, Jeff was live on Facebook as his YouTube channel surpassed one million subscribers!

Congratulations, Jeff, and thank you to fans like me for getting the channel to a million and beyond.